It feels like ANXIETY has taken control of your life. You feel like you "SHOULD" be able to handle things but it's hard to even think sometimes. You want to feel better but don't know exactly where to start.
Okay, let's start by taking a nice long, slow deep breath. Are you with me now? Let's deconstruct your ANXIETY. I want to give you real tools to help gain more control over how you feel.
In most circumstances, ANXIETY, FEAR or any other strong emotional response begins with a trigger. Yep, you've heard that word before but do you know what it means? A trigger is a situation, event, comment, conversation or circumstance that begins a cascade of mental, emotional and physical reactions that ultimately lead to heightened feelings. So, let me create a scenario here...
You're at work and your boss walks by your desk and you say, "Good Morning Jim!" But, Jim doesn't respond back. He doesn't say "Good Morning" he just keeps walking. BOOM! In that moment, (triggering event) you have flurry of thoughts and feelings that seem to take over! "He's mad at me, I must have done something wrong, I'm getting fired, How am I going to tell my family I lost my job," etc...
Now, if we break this down, we've identified our Triggering situation. Then a series of unhelpful Automatic Thoughts begin and create a narrative based on FEAR, WORRY and INSECURITIES. Our emotions go wild and we feel out of control. Maybe you feel yourself shaking inside, your heart rate increases, you realize you've been sweating through that brand new shirt you just bought and now you feel self-conscious and embarrassed. STOP! SLOW DOWN! Let's rewind and talk about Automatic Thoughts. We all have Automatic Thoughts and unchecked, these Automatic Thoughts can morph into patterned ways of unhelpful thinking called, Cognitive Distortions. Learning to manage these distortions in the way we experience things can have a significant impact on our ability to manage our Anxiety, Fear, Insecurities and other emotions.
Common examples of Cognitive Distortions, include:
1. Should Statements - These are thoughts that begin with, "should" "ought" or "must." Generally, resulting feelings of guilt or shame.
2. Black and White thinking - This pattern of thinking involves seeing the world in a rigid way - either good or bad, perfect or a complete failure.
3. Personalization - This thinking pattern generally involves believing that other peoples behavior is the result of one's own actions and behaviors. Typically, self-blame is a dynamic involved in this thought pattern.
4. Catastrophizing - People who catastrophize may think the future will be hopeless and full of catastrophe's. For example, someone may think they will lose their job if their boss gives them one piece of constructive feedback about their performance.
5. Mindreading - Mind readers are convinced they know what other people are thinking or feeling.
6. Minimizing - This pattern of thinking involves decreasing the severity or magnitude of a situation. For example, "It's not a big deal, it's just a DUI."
7. Magnifying - Magnifying is the opposite of minimizing. This thought pattern inflates to magnitude or significance of a situation. The old saying, "making a mountain out of a mole hill" really captures the meaning of magnifying.
8. Fortune Telling - If you're a Fortune Teller, you think you can foresee the outcome of a situation. Often times, the outcome imagined in a negative one.
9. Filtering - If you filter, you may filter out the positive dynamics in a situation and focus on the negative. Conversely, you may filter out the negative dynamics in a situation and zero in on the positive.
10. Overgeneralizing - Using one or more limited situations, Overgeneralizers make broad rules or conclusions about the future.
11. Blaming - The opposite of personalizing, Blaming involved putting all the blame on someone or something else.
12. Labeling - This pattern involves labeling a person or situation based on one or limited events. This is a more drastic version of Overgeneralizing.
13. Emotional Reasoning - The statement, "I feel it therefore it must be true" captures the meaning of Emotional Reasoning.
14. Heavens Reward Fallacy - This pattern of thinking often manifests in those people who believe that their sacrifices will be rewarded because they put their feelings and interests aside.
15. Fallacy of Fairness - This thought pattern involves thinking that things should be equal and fair.
Working with an experienced therapist can help provide you with the tools you need to learn how to begin managing these thought patterns to decrease anxiety and overall emotional distress. Contact me to learn more.
References:
Beck, Aaron T. (1972). Depression; Causes and Treatment. Philadelphia: University of Pennsylvania Press.
Beck, Aaron T. (1976). Cognitive therapies and emotional disorders. New York: New American Library.